My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
