Nicole vs. Life
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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