they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
