I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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