i don't like sucking hair
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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