Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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