my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
