I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
