Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
