i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
