We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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