Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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