I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
