Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
