Your face is a jimmy john
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
