i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
