Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
