I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
