Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
