She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this just has baby written all over it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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