Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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