Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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