I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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