I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
