Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
