ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
