your parents love me but you hate me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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