Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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