I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
