Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
