woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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