i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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