I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
