so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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