Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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