I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
