He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
