homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
