So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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