He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
