I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
