did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
