Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
