I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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