We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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