Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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