I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
