True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
