was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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