I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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