I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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