He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
