I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
