The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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