i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i barfeds in our rink
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
