I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
