I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
