you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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