If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
