I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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