i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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