by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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