can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
