I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
