im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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