I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
